“Step In Wolfmother” a n3tspe4k adapt8n by Azamalt Baguettov - Part 1
Hi yall. I’m the regional manager 4 word press. Sounds impressive but after the conversion from internet dollars 2 reals theres just enough 2 pay 4 rent, food, and an occasional concert ticket 2 a ‘tier 1’ ‘indie’ band [via Vampy Weeks of Leon End]. Neways, as a result I share sum industrial space in Billyburg with some effing hipsters. Gawd I h8 them sooo much. Srsly. But the rent is cheap. I’m not even joking. I don’t even know any of their names. I just call ethem all Zach [via Galifartakas] just 2 piss them off. One time I didn’t see the one the shitstainedballpubichair lookin beard for like a week. So I asked one of ‘em “Hey, where’s ‘Zach’?” and ‘Zach’ responded “Bro, I’m so pissed off at U rt now. I just wann take a manual can opener 2 ur head & eat the spaghettiO’s [via I’m hungry yall]. But that would b sooo unchill. And I know it’s somethin Ernest Greene would never do. Neways…U FUCKIN PRICK, HE WAS KNIFED BY A CRACKHEAD IN HARLEM. HE’S DEAD NOW.” WHen I heard thi, I felt remorseful and my natural instinct wantin 2 console this bro. But at the sam etime I knew I would prob never get another acahnce 2 b this big a dick 4 the rest of my life. So I started sayin “Woooo!”, hootin & hollerin, and danced as though “Come on Eileen” was playin. I blacked out after that. When I came to my hair was soaked w/ blood & there was broken glass on the floor. I totes deserved that so I didn’t even try 2 retalE8. But the living conditions r gettin werse. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t give a fuck about what they think/do about/to me. But occasionally I have to recharge my eye-pod & am stuck listenin 2 their insults. I am often forced 2 pay the entire electric bill to avoid hearin their idiotic comments. Not like they hurt my ego or nething. Just h8 havin 2 hear them. They think they’re sooo fuckin clever. They pretend that they have a whole twitter handle whose followeres are devoted to hurling ‘ironic’ insults at me. THink ‘its called’ @insultOwrDooshRoomie— if it exists at all. I’ll have to tell yall some a the shit they say. Yall might think its funny idk.
But srsly. What a fuckin douche that’s writing this [via all this effing character development 4 some1 [via me[ that u wont even hear from ever again after ‘chapter’ 1]
Neways, they r tryin 2 replace me even tho they have said nothin of the sort. Srsly, do they think I’m some fuckin idiot just cause I don’t ‘get’ Jonsi? They got all these different bros comin & goin. I turn the volume down on my mp3 player just a little 2 hear what they r saying. Their convos r always about the apartment…
TO BE CONTINUED
