How ironic is your t-shirt collection?
Well folks recently it was Sep 11th and I wore the most ironic t-shirt I have in my collection for two reasons. One, it was clean. Two, I just ‘wasnt feelin’ any of the other shirts in my wardrobe. But it got me thinking .o(is there a hierarchy of irony when it comes to t-shirts?) The other thing that prompted me to answer this question is some convo on the facebooks where some dude bro used the word “ironic” as synonymous with “coincident”. So to answer this question we’ll be looking at a good sample of t-shirts with a range of ironic value…my own collection. For units, we’ll be using Standard Alanis Morisettes or SAMs.
Let’s start off with the least ironic. 0 SAMs
Not really sure what this shirt ever meant. I just bought it because of the color and the fit. Which ironically, I didn’t actually try it on, just kinda eyeballed it and assumed it would fit but turned out to be too tight. Hm, perhaps I underestimated it’s ironic value.
Here are some examples of the simplest instances of irony. 1 SAM
Not sure what the term for this is. The “places” shirt? Similar to the played out “Virginia is for Lovers” or “Fuck yall were from Texas” variety, assuming you live in neither of those states. I’ve never been to ‘Tiny Town, CO’ but I did have someone try to engage me in conversation with the vague “You ever been there?” Of course, I never even read what my shirt said, once again just bought it for the color. So I said “huh/where?” Note, I didn’t literally say “huh slash where?”
Now we start to get into deeper ironic territory. 2 SAMs
Apparently some time after I was finished with elementary, schools started this “No TV week” in effort to combat the nationwide childhood obesity/diabetes epidemic. The only TV I ever watch is in bars. I do have a 27” TV though. The whole purpose of having it was to watch DVDs, which I also rarely do.
Deeper and deeper, at this ‘level’ the bad vibes being sent by mnstrmrs begin to intensify and cause more harm to our personal brands [via inception]
3 SAMs
I was actually kicked out of band in, either 5th or 6th grade, don’t really remember. In my school district middle school started in 7th grade, and I didn’t try to rejoin band. Why did I get kicked out? Basically I got tired of lugging that fucking baritone to/fro school everyday on that ghey dolly. So I just kept acting like a dickhead until the conductor made me sit with the other dickheads, cause ‘bein a dickhead is cool.’
The next level, bad vibes send us into a temporary existential quandry. 4-5 SAMs
This is kind of a double (tripple?) whammy. I’ve never been/don’t even know where ‘green forest’ is, I’m an atheist/agnostic/whatever/dont give a fuck/what good does it do me to know anyways, and I hate sports. You score even more points if you were raised in and still practice some other religion/no religion.
The final level. Any bad vibes will cause you to rethink your personal brand and cause you to go mainstream.
5-6 SAMs
Don’t think you can read what the shirt says, but it doesn’t matter. There’s a bald eagle crying, an Am Flaggy, and what appears to be a chimney in the middle of an Adobe village. Perhaps it represents a civilization that burns peat to turn some kind of turbine & provide power to the village. The ironic value of course increases depending on the date.
Finally, as a bonus here is an unranked shirt for yall to discuss the possible ironic value/instances in which it would be ironic.
