Boss: We can tell you’re not very fired up about the job
Me: Oh man, you’re right. I wonder what’s wrong with me? I mean, so many exciting things about this job. Let’s see there’s
Watching flashing objects and videos of animals on dual LCD monitors, fighting the urge to fall asleep
Retesting extremely heavy, poorly designed products as a “favor to the customer”
Trying to pull the metal shielding off of a 3-phase very high voltage wire…I sweated more that day than the day I moved all those rocks, so Bonus!
Being surrounded by ex-military people with or without 2-year technical degrees, that at this point probably couldn’t place into algebra
Being harassed about filling out some form, that I was incorrectly shown how to fill out in the first place
Receiving probably some of the worst training, from multiple parties, of how to do my job in general
Being forced to be a third-wheel for the most part at the other job site, instead of contributing to the first project, since I’ve been here, that was actually challenging
…so much to be fired-up about. I hope I have this same kind of opportunity at my next job.
Giving my resume a long overdue overhaul and writing about my summer 2004 research experience. I’m not really sure wtf I did the whole time. I think ideally my advisor would have had me compare his method of quantifying randomness to someone elses. But someone (probably me) grossly underestimated the time it would take to compute a number from 300 MB of data. I mean literally, my computer was unusable for a long time.
Anyways, the method I was supposed to compare to was called “The theory of runs” or something. Which basically said “flipping a coin is random. if you flip a coin an infinite number of times you are bound to have 8 headses in a row. therefore if a process is truly random, it can be boxed into this heads or tails paradigm and should have comparable statistics of 8 headses in a row as flipping a coin”.
But the ridiculous thing was that this paper listed the professor’s high school aged son as a contributing author. I mean really, wish that someone would tell people when to draw the line, since clearly they don’t know when. To wit, this “co-author” is a professor’s son, who may or may not be interested in math/computer science, he’s already gonna be smart as hell/poised to pursue some kind of technical career [via a phone call from dad]. There’s really no need to rob this opportunity from some gifted minority that would probably be the research assistant for peanuts. But that’s just my opinion. Oh, and he was Jewish.
Note: this is for the position of “Medical Device Product Development Engineer”. In case you were thinking of trying your hand at an Engineering job without actually knowing what they do…Here ya go:
Math Ability:
- Ability to apply advanced mathematical concepts such as exponents, logarithms, quadratic equations, and permutations.
I aced Differential Equations, but man were those exponents, logarithms, and quadratic equations a bitch.
Reasoning Ability:
- Ability to define problems, collect data, establish facts, and draw valid conclusions.
- Ability to interpret an extensive variety of technical instructions in mathematical or diagram form and deal with several abstract and concrete variables.
I’m pretty solid on interpreting a variety of technical instructions in mathematical form, and dealing with several abstract and concrete variables, but interpreting instructions in diagram form always gives me trouble. Computer Skills:
- To perform this job successfully, an individual should have knowledge of Word Processing software; spreadsheet software; internet software; manufacturing software and contact management systems.
I don’t have any of these. Not sure how I graduated from a ABET accredited University.
Seriously, was this job description written by a high school summer intern?
philolzophy asked: Y don't u accept comments? Just wanna initiate a blog bang.
wtf must be that way by default. i’ll fix it right now.
Sometimes I wonder ‘what the fuck am I doin with my life’? Recently I was housesitting for my Aunt, takin her kids to school/extracurriculars while her & my uncle are on vacation. OUt in the suburbs. Feel so beaten down by lameness. Had hopes that I would spend mad time findin buzzworthy mp3s for my ‘webblog’ [via not havin my musical instruments/friends that wanna get drunk to distract me]. Maybe even write some songs. But by day 2 of gettin up hella early/bein stuck in this middle/upper-middle class house I had nearly lost the will to buzz/blog/meme/facebook/tweet/tumbl. The hours wasted clicking shortened url after shortened url, countless “mediafire” searches, etc…you wonder what it’s all about then something like this happens link.
thinkin about invitin Carles to gchat yall
Then u realize that u r a ‘vital node’ in the vast network of alternative subculture. U finally have some validation that u r capable of generating memes/buzzes/tastes and not simply just consuming.
Kinda stoked about this whole thing because I really feel like it made Carles ‘bring his A-game’ [via not bein able 2 rip me off outright]. I didn’t mention it but, not only did I submit a tip, I wrote a whole article. It basically sucked in comparison to what ‘Carles’ actually wrote. Feel like I contributed though [via poorly articulating poignant themes of alternative subculture, inspiring the ‘end-product’ to contain some of the best irony on hro in a while].
Neways, here is an excerpt (with recent edits) of some of the bull shit I wrote. I did originally have some Shaun White reference. But feel ashamed in retrospect [via that kind of shit appealing to the lowest common denominator / not bein funny at all when u think about it [via Jack White = Danzing, David Blaine = Broken Bells bro, Alice Glass = Some non Alice Glass chick]]
<3 azamalt baguettov
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OMG wtf is this? Traffic? It’s never backed up this bad. Good thing I got this mix CD which burned off my iTunes with all my fave relevant cool dad bands [via Mumford and Sons]
Just gonna chill…
Ok, I see nothin but empty road ahead of that police car. Looks like some1 wrecked. hope they r alright…I’m at the front now and,
WHAT THE HELL?
Look at these effing hipsters, blocking off the whole goddamn 101. Do they really think this is the way 2 ‘get their brand out’?
Even the brobags watchin this on the Youtubes aren’t laughin [via being able 2 relate, h8’ing bein stuck in traffic, wishin a helicopter would come by and just ‘airlift these assholes’ outta the way]
Effing hipsters, when will they learn?
Oh, apparently these guys are called Imperial Stars. Not goin N e where, may as well seach the infowebs about them on my iPhone 4[via bein able 2 afford 1 [via gainful employment]]
So, tryin to raise awareness about homelessness thru music. Seems kinda alt. Too bad that the front man is a ginger, so no 1 will ever support their vision. Or they will but in an ironic post-anti-MIA kind of way. But this is hella unchill. Srsly yall r makin me start to like homelessness. Feel like some hobo needs to knife this bro to protect the homeless brand
Do u think this video will ‘go viral’?
Is this a gr8 idea for getting noticed or are these bros ‘fucking dicks’?
Is ‘hipster bashing’ still relevant?
R u tired of the word hipster bein used 4 bros/brands/bands that totes aren’t effing hipsters? [link: ice cream bro hits dancing blipster, kills him]
Who is the number 1 ‘cool dad’ band?
Would u rather chill on the highway & listen 2 bros talk about ‘social responsibility’ or watch “Mad Men” on ur plasma in the subbies?
What’s ur fave Chili’s appetizer
How would u feel if you finally get to the front of a traffic jam and find out that shit is intentional [via not construction or a wreck]?
Saw this dude with a shaved bald head that bore some semblance to the lead singer of Midnight Oil. I thought to myself how much I would enjoy being a situation where he would ask me “Do you have any questions?” To which I would respond “Yes. How do you sleep while the beds are burning?”
Let’s start with straight. Geez the only bands that made the cloud are Queens of the Stoneage and Van Halen. I guess it’s like the “Fuck you hipsters” guy said “if I wanna listen to Van Halen, I’ll listen to fuckin Van Halen”. ”Tom Clancy”? ”Golf”?
Let’s see about the girls. Not even the mention of one band. Unless this “Nicholas Sparks” is some sorta musician. Srsly, who the fuck has even heard of him? Did all their data come from some suburb of Lincoln, Nebraska? Oh, just did a search. He’s some sort of ‘author’ which I don’t know of any culturally relevant authors besides Bukowski. ”My Church”? ”Pretty Woman”? ”Country Music”? Don’t know who these girls are, but hope I never have to date them.
Ok what about teh gheys
not pictured:the xx, final fantasy, the club, rocky horror picture show, cuddling, panic at the disco, jason mraz, fiona apple, kill bill
The XX, M.I.A., Sufjan Stevens huh? Guess that’s as close as we’re gonna get to indie. Guess these ‘indie’ bands are as close to mainstream as we’re gonna get. I’m not really sure what I meant by that last sentence. It’s been a few days and many drinks since I started writing this.
![What is that in the picture? It’s a severed pair of basketball shorts. Why do I have a pair of severed basketball shorts? Well I’m about to tell you. Oh the sacrifices I make for comedy. Was pretty hungover Friday after a wild Thursday night. I had lounged around all day wearin a pair of basketball shorts and barefoot. As I was puttin on my pants it was hotter in my apt or somethin, so my feet were kinda sweaty. This makes it difficult to put on skinny pants [via friction] (note: in the future this problem can be solved by temporarily wearin a pair of socks). I don’t know how long it really took to put on the pants, but it felt like 5 minutes. Needless to say it was an arduous process that I didn’t feel like repeating. But backtrack a moment. So when I finally got my feet through the pants I’m tyin to pull them all the way up, as per normal, but they don’t go. I’m thinkin “hey what gives?”. I look down and see I still have the pair of god damn basketball shorts on. I only considered two options. Take the pants off, shorts off and put the pants back on. Or get a pair of scissors and cut the shorts thereby not havin to “re-put-on” the pants. I chose the latter. Turns out there were other challenges associated with that course of action, but more easily bested than the former option. I stand by my decision.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_laecs7bcS81qcggnzo1_500.jpg)
What is that in the picture? It’s a severed pair of basketball shorts. Why do I have a pair of severed basketball shorts? Well I’m about to tell you. Oh the sacrifices I make for comedy. Was pretty hungover Friday after a wild Thursday night. I had lounged around all day wearin a pair of basketball shorts and barefoot. As I was puttin on my pants it was hotter in my apt or somethin, so my feet were kinda sweaty. This makes it difficult to put on skinny pants [via friction] (note: in the future this problem can be solved by temporarily wearin a pair of socks). I don’t know how long it really took to put on the pants, but it felt like 5 minutes. Needless to say it was an arduous process that I didn’t feel like repeating. But backtrack a moment. So when I finally got my feet through the pants I’m tyin to pull them all the way up, as per normal, but they don’t go. I’m thinkin “hey what gives?”. I look down and see I still have the pair of god damn basketball shorts on. I only considered two options. Take the pants off, shorts off and put the pants back on. Or get a pair of scissors and cut the shorts thereby not havin to “re-put-on” the pants. I chose the latter. Turns out there were other challenges associated with that course of action, but more easily bested than the former option. I stand by my decision.
Research part 2. Funny story, I stumbled on some notes that sounded familiar. I thought “what song is this”. Eventually I realized it was “it will all end in tears” by the Drums. Turns out I was playin the notes in the wrong order.
Research part 1. It’s what happens when a math guy that refused to learn music theory writes down notes. The misc is actually something I wrote.